Bazaargaining.

Mallmania , or the Retail revolution, is coming a big way to India. Everyday in the suburbs of Delhi, Mumbai, Chennai and Bangalore do we hear the opening up of XYZ mega mall with unprecedented facilities , unparalleled parking space, unmatched variety of brands all under one roof and every mall ad ends with the cliched ... providing you the "ultimate shopping experience". No wonder all they receive is footfalls from scores of window shoppers but no real bang for the buck!!

Well! So much for the consolidation in the industry and change in the consumer's shopping habits. But as we look back, there was a time when people stuck to the tried and tested way of shopping in a neighbourhood market which was typically 2.5 kms drive on scooter from their house. This is a story in setrospect, which looks back to how the sellers sold and buyers bought not so long ago in the small cities and towns of India which were , and still are, adrift from the mall mania of the metros.

The typical family bread-earner makes an early return from the office , the time would be invariably 5.30. It could be half and hour earlier or later depending on the temperature and light conditions in the dusty town. The family of four ( it used to be five not so long ago, not now, thanks to family planning efforts by the government) climbs up the bajaj chetak and the sets out to their monthly or bimonthly shopping.

The fundamental point of conflict here is the ends that the husband and wife are trying to achieve run in opposite directions. The Husband has a budget cap that is not to be exceeded in any case. The best way to ensure this in the pre debit and credit card days was to carry only so much cash. The proverbial wife on the other hand, never likes to plan. She always likes to keep her shopping agenda open ended. So , she never prepares the list of items that she had so faithfully promised to make after the last market visit. The Baccha party is blissfully oblivious of all these shenanigans. All that they are concerned with are they must be rewarded with everything that catches the eyes or else the mid-market tantrums are always in the firing mode.

Note: The essence of this blog are the dialogs in Hindi between the dukanwala and the khariddar, with little modification, they can be generalised irrespective of the commodity to be bought.

So the family enters a shoe shop( typically Bata). "Aaiye Madam, kya dikhaoon"?? says the servile helper of the shop targeting at the weak link. "Bacche ke liye leather ke joote lene hain"..chuckles the wife with her eyes making sure that she has a cursory glance on women's sandals also. Baccha sits on the chair and rests his foot on that inclined scale. "Kis range mein dikhaoon"??"300-400 tak chalega,lekin quality acchi honi chaiye" The wife takes the lead , intentionally keeping the range wide.Arre nahin nahin, bacchon ka kya hai, school mein football khel kar do mahine mein ghis dalenge"..."aap to 200 ki range mein dikhao".

after an exchange of glances, the couple have an internal settlement.

"are woh upar se 6 number wala nikalna..." the cacophonous voice of the attendant to his colleagues. Down come 3-4 cardboard boxes dropped through the narrow opening. "Yeh dekhiye madam, bilkul latest maal aaya hai"."Beta jara chappal utaro". Frowns the father,"Tumse kitni baar kaha hai ki jab joote kharedene ho to chunnu( and the other is cheeku) ko joote pehna ke laya karo!!!". "I forgot in a hurry", defends the wife.

"Chalo Koi Baat Nahin" , resigns the bread-winner. Chunne gets out of his slippers. The attendant slides the left foot of the kid into its logical counterpart. "Doosre pair mein bhi pehno", the husband smirks at his display of exceptional intelligence...giggles .. Now it's the turn of the wife,"Beta jara unkil ko chal ke dikhao" ( the purists may read it as uncle, but remember we are talking small town hindi heartland). So chunnu obliges. The anxious eyes of mummy-papa follow the footsteps of the child, the universal law is reversed in the specialty of the moment.

"Beta gad to nahin raha hai"?? ," enquires the Mom.. The confused kid looks at Mum and Dad in turns and follows "silence is golden" and reminisces of his choco bar instead. The mom makes her own judgment of the child's comfort , or the lack of it. "Thoda tight lag raha hai, moje pehnega to aur tight hoga.. ek number bada dikhiaye na".

Dad gives an anxious look at his watch and the impending crashing he requires to do on other tasks before the shops pull the shutters down. So the attendant pulls out next pair, one size larger. Chunnu repeats the Cat-walk and Dad retorts, "arre nahin woh pehle wala hi theek tha, yeh to lapar-lapar karega" . Mum counterattacks ," arre to height bhi to badegi na, phir aa jana 6 mahine baad joote lene ke liye.. itne saal ho gaye, shopping karna nahin seekha". The Husband gives a "you-cant-insult-me-like-that-in-public" look. The wife retaliates with "you-go-to-hell" look.

as the kid refuses to break silence ,Mum and Dad look at the attendant helplessly ( and he feels as empowered as the judge presiding over a divorce case). "Madam, Bacche to badte hi hain, joota to fit hona chaiye." "Exactly", the dad is rejoicing at his slender lead in the argument.

And then the subject matter expert comes up with another ace," Shuru mein thoda katega, lekin 2-3 din mein pair ko pakad lega". Now the nit-picking Mom frawns at the design,"Ismein kaisee chonch see nikli hui hai, samne se flat wala design dikhaiye".So 7 designs and 2 sizes each later, Mom and Dad finally decide to buy the pair. Now comes the real fizz of the story.

Attendent :"Yeh piece le ke jaiye sir aap, company ka maal hai, koi shikayat ho to wapas le aaiyega".

Giggler behind the curtain:" and where is the company located?? cyberspace!!!

Dad: Trying to set the scene for a deal," haan aap ki dukan par poora bharosa hai".

Dad:"Lekin tikaoo to hain na,aajkal ke bacchhon ko to aaap jante hi ho".

Attendent:" befikr rahiye sahab! picchle mahine mein 40 piece nikal chuka hoon, abhi tak koi shikayat nahin aayi".

Giggler behind the curtain: Oh wow! isn't that 10% higher than the entire sales of the shop? btw, who do you think has the time to return and fret about a kid shoe".

Dad:"Lekin price to bahut jyada bata rahe hai"??

Attendant:" Sahab iska rate 400 hai , yehi dekhiye company se print ho ke aaya hai".

Dad: "arre joote kahin print rate pe milte hain???"

Giggler behind the curtain: "had that argument been any different had it been something other than shoes"??

Attendant:"Isliye to sir aapko discount ke baad 350 bataya hai,"

Giggler behind the curtain:Isn't it a case of (3+2)-2= 3!!!! hurry up, and grab the offer!

Dad: "bacchon ke liye le raha hoon, theek theek lagaiye . hum to aapke purane customer hain"

Giggler behind the curtain: "Bacche ke liye le raha hai to kya jaan lega bacche ki", and , "you are not a high value customer by the way".

Attendant: "Theek price hi lagaya hai sahab".

Dad:"Yaar, 275 le lo, itna to chalta hai"( he knows his shameless bargaining is also baseless.. but hail the middle class mentality")

Giggler behind the curtain: Hey, why not tell him you have only that much left in the wallet??

Attendant:" Itna kahan margin hota hai sahab,itne ki to purchase nahin hai".

Giggler behind the curtain: Oh really!! "Didn't you tell me last time that your buy these leather shoes from Kanpur for 200 Rs. per piece"??

The Dad persists and the frustrated attendant guides him to the counter. The shop-owner, a stout man in his late 40s has been apprised of the gravity of the case and has the entire history narrated to him. Quoting one of my B-school professors, "excellent CRM without technology". He chuckles to receive them," aaiye sharma ji, kaunsi class mein pahunch gaya hai chunnu"??

Mom would not let go any opportunity to hail her son's academic prowess,"uhhhhhh. 6th class mein, 92% marks aaye hai 5th board mein".

Giggler behind the curtain: so how does this affect the bargain???

after some small talk about increasing living costs and spiraling education costs, they finally come to the point.

Dad: "Bacche ke liye kuch to discount kijiye"!!

Owner:"Agar mere bas mein hota to mein jaroor karta sahab, aapke kehne ki jaroorat hi nahin thi"

Mom: Now shoots her brahmastra," abhi munnu ke liye bhi lene hain, aaj usko laye nahin isliye le nahin paaye".

Giggler behind the curtain: He is too smart to take the carrot! he knows that you will never bring him or worse , there is no munnu altogether.

Mom gets impatient. "Suno, do aur khatm karo, bahut tamasha ban raha hai".

So the Dad hesitantly takes out 3 crisp 100 Re. notes. Counts and recounts! "Yeh lijiye sahab, yeh theek hai".

Owner repeats the count and recount, looks up to the Dad and smiles." 20/- aur dijiye sahab,khatm karein ise". The wife gives "If-you-don't-settle-it-now-I-will-leave-you" look. The husband finally succumbs and the story ends at 320.