Weaselese!

A change in co-ordinates brings about a definite change in an individual's life, as I have experienced over the past 4 months or so. I have seen myself change from a care-free bachelor tenant to a still bachelor ( thankfully ) but responsible male; from a 9 AM -6 PM pretension of work to a 8 AM - 10 PM detention to work; from an aspiring entreprenuer to a so called "strategy" consultant ; from a regular exerciser to a lazy alarm-snoozer, from a infrequent blogger to a non-blogger ALMOST until I finally sat down to pen this "piece" and as you will find it later, "piece" has assumed a new meaning in my life.

With a new assignment comes new challenges, new environs, new colleagues and new bosses with their new ways to communicate.Ever since I have landed here, I have been barraged with a new set of weaselese,(Weasel Defined). You must be wondering what a carnivore who kills more than it can eat has any semblance with professionals? Well, in the corporate world, we are all weasels! to know more, I suggest you go and read a bit of Scott Adams' Dilbert!

So, this management speak is something that descends to India's booming technopolis from the "Land of Opportunities" ( henceforth referred to as the LOO).

Gladstone is a typical fire-in-the-valley IBCA (Indian Born Confused American) who is back in the homeland to serve an outsourcing dream of his revered employers in the LOO! So I am Dilbert and is Dibert's Boss and we are all in it for the passion of insulting that we share!

So what business are we in? We are in the business of manufacturing slides . The proficiency of an insultant is measure by how quick and how well can he churn out slides to serve the insatiable hunger of "pardoners half way across the globe!! They are called pardoners because they are like Gods, you committ a sin and they grant reprieve! Gladstone pays allegiance to to pardoners, and so do we!

"We"!!!!!

So how much productive time have we spent on this project?
I think we should challenge ourselves to wrap it up coming monday!
I would almost want us to own this piece end-to-end??
I think we have all the content, but the flow is something that we need to work on!

So when Gladstone says we, it always means a big fat YOU. So just replace all the we by you and see how magic happens in insulting.

This following piece of weaselese has almost become a school anthem for Dilbert, his day does not start until he listens to the WoW ( Words of Wisdom) from Gladstone!

"Every insulting assignment is more ambiguous than the previous!! One has to go painstakingly collect nuggets of information and then connect the dots to create a compelling story! We are in the business of generating actionable infights ( ooops, insights ) that makes the client stand up and take notice"!

In Insulting create smorgasboards which from Dibert's standpoint, is nothing but an effort to jazzify and complexify a simple task of rearranging slides on a presentation. Smorgasboarding is a core insulting skill and Dilbert as an insultant is expected to quickly move up the learning curve so that he can come up to speed!

Once on a client call, Gladstone owns the piece called "VoIP Phone" and brings the pardoner on the same page thus: " I think we are now beginning to "wet our feet" on some XYZeeee topic ( say Sensor Neworks ) and have started pulling together a few preliminary WIP slides. While you review this piece, my team here will sink its teeth into the data and come up with a draft version of the story! We are shooting for a deadline of monday morning your time".

Gladstone IMs ( instant messages) Dilbert ," Can you stop by for a minute??". Dilbert obliges!

Gladstone: "We have got this three-day turn-around request from Pardoner. This is a very high visibility project and we have been building relationships with Goofy ( the pardoner of course) as he is an S pardoner ( and not a O or a T pardoner ). We have gained a lot of traction with goofy on our previous project , and that has raised the bar from his expectation standpoint. I think we should crack the code on this one and do a slam dunk job!! ( Of course they do it all the time in the LOO !!! ). I don't want us to work on weekends, but we cannot afford to push back on this request. Let's target monday morning for the first draft, but don't kill youself".

Come Monday and Gladstone walks by Dilbert's Desk. "How is the deck shaping up??". Dilbert "walks him through" the deck and handsover a printout to Gladstone. He provides management oversight and inputs on arbitraging. Dilbert incorporates the suggested changes and turns in the final deck.

Gladstone sends out the deliverable and the pardoner retorts with a Wow!!!!!!!!!! Dilbert has overdelivered. The India practice continues to create a lot of positive buzz in the LOO and they are now well positioned to integrate with the insultants in the LOO!

Gladstone is my mentor for life. I hate his golf swings!

There's some hope in the system!

This is the first contemporary post on my blog, detached from abstraction and attached to reality as inseparably as it can get. It was not long ago when newspapers, TV channels, Online News Sites, Radios and all other forms of mass media are thrashing the Delhi Police for the lackadaisical manner in which the entire Jessica Lall Murder case was handled and how the sheer power of money has made all the eye-witnesses take a U-turn resulting in the "historical" acquittal of all the 9 accused.

Police, as usual, faces the wrath. This case further tarnishes the already blackened face of the Indian police. The poor men in khakhi do not seem to have much progress since independence. But here I would like to present a true incident which happened with me about 4 months back and forces me to think ," Well! It's not so dark afterall, there is plenty of light at the end of the tunnel".

The story goes like this. Me and 3 other friends of mine escaped to a trip to Jodhpur and Jaisalmer in Rajasthan around the new year. Having seen Jodhpur , we boarded a bus to Jaisalmer. The prime attraction of the place was the sand dunes which formed the start of the Thar Desert. Specifically, We had Sam Sand dunes as the favoured destination, the prime attraction of Jaisalmer.

Just about when the five hour journey from Jodhpur to Jaisalmer had ended, some men boarded the bus and began advertising their hotel. We , just like any other gullible tourist, were taken in by their "offering" and jumped on the jeep which carried us to their "hotel". It actually was a residential flat converted to a hotel. The owner, PS offered us rooms to stay and also offered sight seeing, desert safari and night stay packages at the "Sand" dunes. We negotiated a package deal for our 2.5 days stay at Jaisalmer.Everything went fine till the time we enjoyed the Jaisalmer fort and the magnificent havelis inside the town. Here are a couple of testimonies:



The next day we set out to the Sand Dunes.It was nearabout an hour's journey with the car crossing military tanks on its way. We reached the "resort" of PS in the desert and embarked on the desert Safari which was a a half hour ride into the desert. We clicked some great pictures there at the fall of the sun.





On our return, an armymen told us that the tour operator (PS) had literally "taken us for a ride" as the place that we were so blissfully taking to be the Sam Sand Dunes was just a poor cousin called Khuri and the actual place was about 90 kms away from where we stood.

Our shoulders dropped as we returned to the camp. The place was not exactly buzzing with foreign tourists. The place looked deserted and despite the best efforts from the attendants at hospitality, we lost the zest as we felt cheated. We soon formed the opinion that PS was a thug and took us for a ride. We decided to drop the idea of night camp in the desert, go to our hotel, pick our luggage and quietly walk out. Exasperated and infuriated, we returned to the town. Two of us waited at the bus stand and the other two went to the hotel. MB and AM managed to pick up the luggage and we sat down in the hotel at the bus stand to have our dinner.

But as it turned out, Jaisalmer was a very small place. PS and his men ( goons actually) found us in no time and the don of Jaisalmer , as we later discovered , wasted no time in coming down to the basics of street quarreling. The 4 of us defended our point that he cheated us by sending us to Khuri in the name of Sam and refused to pay any more money to him. He instead threatened, cursed and bullied us to pay him the entire 2100/- balance amount. In an hour full of heated arguements,4 educated young men were soon surrounded by local louts hurling fists and abuses. We were threatened with dire consequences on crossroads at 9 PM in the night but in no case were we ready to pay him the money. It was a matter of principle for us!!

A timidly police constable tried to intervene but the muscle power prevailed over him. PS and his men suggested (and we beleived him) that we go to the police station and settle the score there. As we moved with him in the direction of the police station, he assaulted us and hit MB across the face. His glasses were deformed and the situation went out of control. We were too few and too civilised to take on the local toughie and hence we decided to pay him the money and buy our own safety.

PS rejoiced when he got the cash and he also gave us a receipt in sheer conceit which later brought his downfall. Humiliated and bruised, we approach the police station and wrote down an FIR. While the police listened to our story, PS himself walked into the station scot-free and narrated his own version of the story turning the tables on us and threatened us right there in the police station!!!!! The police looked impartial but we soon realised that by asking us to stay back in town and get a medical examination done, they were pushing us towards a tame submission to a lengthy, winding and tiresome process. They did not have the guts to lock PS behind the bars! We were fired up and did not want to give in so easily, but we also did not have the option of staying back in Jaisalmer as we knew no-one there and it was risky with PS turning hostile.

So far so good, what's the big deal??? Isn't police acting the way they should!!! :)

We settled for a peanut 500/- that PS paid us for the humiliation and walked out of the Station with an unsubmitted FIR in our hand and set out for JOdhpur the same night. Reaching a more trustoworthy hotel, we decided to give the matter a last shot in Jodhpur. Thankfully, the hotel owner in Jodhpur was unlike his Jaisalmer counterpart, a civilised gentlmean. He advised us to directly approach the Inspector General of Police at Jodhpur. We were hesitant as our earlier experience had left us totally skeptical about approaching police.

But we went ahead anyway. We reached IG's office and were sitting in front of him in 15 minutes. He listened to our grievance and was particularly struck by the fact that IIT graduates were treated in such harsh manner. He gave an immediate call to his subordinates in Jaisalmer. We were impressed by his strict demeanor. He assured us that he will get us back our full refund for 5100/- that we claimed. But so much for an assurance. What's the big deal? Was he really going to act on it? Since when did the Indian police turn so resposive to the general public??

We walked out of the compound and set out to our last resort , the Mandore garden. We clicked monkeys and monuments:



We had a train to catch at 7.30 in the evening. At around 6 PM, we came out of the gardens and MB's phone rang. Guess who, IG personally gave us a call and asked us to collect our entire refund from his PA at his office. He not only did that, he also made sure that PS was given a good thrashing at the hands of Jaisalmer Police. Pleasant surprise indeed!! Agreed it was not a grave crime, just a case of street-fighting, but when did you last see the police acting so quick!!

In places like Jaisalmer, tourist is the king! So the police takes utmost care that cases of tourist harassment are delt with very strictly. To prevent recurrence of such incidents, IG ordered police to be posted on Jaisalmer bus stand and railway station so that gullible tourists were not trapped by local "Lapkas"!

Very recently, we heard a case in which the son of a top Orissa COP was sentenced for imprisonment for raping a german citizen in Alwar! This case has stood out as a landmark example for the pace at which the judiciary has acted. Salman Khan too was not spared in his dastardly act of chinkara hunt! Seems like the rest of India has lessons to pick up from Rajasthan!!

A pair of birds that was not to be!

Once upon a time, there lived a little widlfowl named Misty perched in the warm but artificial comfort of its Nest in the midlands. In search of food and warmth, Misty's parents flew to Andes ,thousands of miles away .The little Misty had to stay back as it was too young to fly the distances. Misty was not alone, with the rest of the population taking care of the little one.

Misty stood out in the colony of wildfowls.There was nothing about her that was not beautiful. She had the eyes of a doe, the plumage of an oriole ,the voice of a canary, the flight of a Trogon and the feet of a Nightingale. Needless to say,Misty was the darling of the pack and she knew it. Despite her enviable visage, Misty was not conceited. On the contrary, she was modest and was known for extending her caring words to the rest of the pack.

Misty's parents were too afraid to let their offspring dare fly. She was not belligerent, but it wanted to see what lay in the open skies. She knew she could fly, if she wanted to. She did not know if she wanted to escape, But she knew she wanted to try. One fine morning, she spotted a deviant Vireo named Ralph who had strayed from its migrating pack. Ralph was clueless in the midlands, a place which it had seen only from the skies.

Misty chirped and chacked, all the time perched in her nest. Ralph responded in a caw, with caution. Misty was attracted by the strangeness of the foreign bird. She cooed Ralph to come closer. Days passed into weeks, and they developed a code language of their own, which was greek to the local birds. Ralph jumped trees and twigs to come successively closer to this enigma of a bird that was attracting her by the day. He was bowled over by Misty's innocence and her voice which was always music to its ears. Misty went out of her way to find perches and uninhabited ,abandoned nests to lure Ralph from and the latter was just too starstruck to resist the temptation.

They soon grew intimate and sang together:

Love birds, love birds,
look at you and me.
I see you and you see me.
Here we are, perched on a tree branch,
cuddling lovingly.
Hopefully, very soon we will build our nest
and start a family
I have heard that birds of a feather
flock together.
I hope that means we will always stay
side by side now and forever.
I give you a peck and you give one to me,
Kissing birds is what we are,
and it's as sweet as can be.
Love birds, Love birds, look at you and me.
We are as happy as two love birds can ever ever be.

But!!!Thee world was not as simple as this! They were not the children of the same phoenix, they were different birds. Misty ate twigs, Ralph fed on worms. Misty flew ( if she could ) at 5000 feet, Ralph was a poor earthling and could only fly a 1000. Misty flew in flocks, Ralph flew alone. Misty would probably ultimately fly out to the far south-west, Ralph's dream was limited to his land. But they had something in common which bound them together, what is was , remained to mystery to both of them.

A Male wildfowl Lowan beckoned Misty from the comfort of the Andes. Misty was all soaked in her love for the Vireo and the pair were in their own fantasy realms. "I would never be able to mate you"! Misty said once in despair. Ralph was complacent and assured her.

Misty's love for Ralph was no secret in the colony now. She was isolated and ostracized , had to spend days without food. But she took it all without a whimper until she felt Ralph at her side. But happy days last only so long.

Ralph's tribe did the calling! He had to fly back! There was no more he could stretch the sojourn. He prepared for his flight back to the jungle where he came from. Misty promised to follow suit, it was only a matter of time she said.

Fellow mockingbird Columba were the only way they could communicate, as they were the only birds who could fly the distance and understand both their tongues. Ralph dispatched Columba with sweet nothings, Misty Responded twice. This next time Ralph sent the tune, Columba returned mum. Worried and astonished, Ralph sent another Columba again on the long journey, no avail. It returned and resigned in despair, "I couldn't get her message, she has a different sound. She used to sing, she calls now. It was you earlier, but it is Lowan now.

Days, weeks, months passed by, Ralph waited all night each day to listen to the tune of Misty from the horizon , the song did not arrive, it never arrived. Ralph sings to himself:

Look at you and me,
I can't see you and you can't see me.
Here I am and there you are,
Separated despairingly.
Only if we could build our nest
And start a family,
But you now say, that we cannot fly together,
Whichever be the skies, Whatever be the weather.
You change your sound and look the other way, I see
But you are and will be , always ,the One, to me
Kissing birds was what we were,
But now you have someone else over there,
Love birds, Love birds, look at you and me,
We are two love birds, that were not to be.

Illu!

This post will probably not be appreciated by those who never had the chance to go to one of the greatest places to earn your undergrad, IIT Kharagpur. But for their benefit, I suggest them to catch hold of any KGPian around them and get the context.

Today I was reading the arguements and counter-arguments on Illu, the famous (atleast among the KGPians of the world) display of Inter-hall rivalry and tireless dedication, of long sleepless nights and the smell of earthern lamps, of the clutter of pliers and heaps of metallic wires, of expressions of art and the Act of God(in wind).

I recall my own state of mind in those days and the changing attitudes. In my first year,when I was never aware of the concept, it really moved me to see so many fellow 1st yearites slog towards this mega-project.There was mega clearing of the internal octagon( or was it a septagon) at HJB hall and the library was evacuated to make room for Rangoli.

I wanted to contribute. I stepped in. But I soon realised that tying that neat wire round the diya was not my cup of tea as I ended up breaking more diyas than I tied. Hence, my escape route to easier work keeping alive the chance of recognition was Rangoli.

Traditionally dismissed as a girlie hobby, it was only in Illu I discovered that Rangoli's of the size half a badminton court could also be made. Not only could they be made, they could be made this well!

I got myself into it. Soon I was hooked and spent endless hours mixing colours with sand, or colours with colours. I recall my partners in first year, Rotten, Gary, Chatur, Mallu.. may be there was Vikrant too. That's all that comes to my memory.

2nd year onwards, my approach to Illu was one filled with cautious participation rather than fervent enthusiasm. Be it typing of Diyas or the passionate tugging at pliers ( people in PAN, recall) to prepare the "panels", the Illu part of it was more of Unskilled labour work(also called Ghodagiri) which started atleast a month in advance of Diwali day and was enough to drench out the faceless worker physically and mentally wihout any recognition or expression of creativity.

So I reserved my energies for my area of expertise, that was rangoli which did not start until about 15 days prior to Illu and was devoid of the evils of Illu. I was no great expert, niether a great sketcher nor a 1 in 500 face painter. But I was a Jack of all trades and found the company of the softer souls inside the Rangoli room more comforting than the junta outside. It had also to do with the desire to be part of a smaller niche group rather than that of a large mass of people.



It was great to see the results announced in the Gymkhana and return with a position. I remember the customary walks to all the halls that we made after the judges rounds were done. I also remember the steals that I made in the final two years to see the event with the judges as it happened. I remember the tempo shouts that Keith gave. I remember how we always cribbed after Illu that Azad should stop wasting energies in Panels and shift to mats like the RKs and RPs. The taste of the sweet rasgollas that we won almost every year. The operational accuracy of the drill on the final day. The tension in the air as the judges approached, the disappointment as the wind played havoc with weeks of hard labour.

The queasy feeling when we woke up next morning to see the blackened by carbon diyas upturned and distorted. And of course, what I really loved about Illu, and this I haven't told to many people, the sight of the KGP girls in saris. How I really longed to see them dressed in the 6 meter cloth was one of the reasons i so eagerly waited for Diwali.

But somehow,Illu was a perfect example of the 80-20 rule. 20% of the people did 80% of the work. If success deserted them, it was their grief, their loss. If it embraced them, it was everyone's victory. All 4 years, some people kept promising that they would not waste time in Illu next year only to come back more enthusiastically next year. The dilemma in minds of all, "should I focus on Dep change/Dep rank or flow along with Hall Tempo".

There were the able administrators, that lead by example and so were pretenders, who ran way with the credit despite doing precious little, not to forget the silent workers who never raised their eyes of their work to see what was happening around them. And there were the ones who walked past everyone to the Lab as if nothing was happening.

Despite my passion for Rangoli, I was always off the opinion that Illu scrapped would not be a bad idea. The rules such as "Illu budget cannot be decreased ever" looked all too silly to me. Pathetic quality of food and absence of pure drinking water was acceptable, but not any reduction in the extravaganza called Illu. The detractors of Illu say, well , this is not what a so called world class technology institution should be known for. Uncountable man hours wasted in working for a 15 inute display!!!And the biggest arguements of all, "How could you drag people out of their rooms and force them to work"?? nearly 4 years since I came out, I maintain most of these.

Of course, for the sake of completion, I would agree to the fact that it would be difficult to find an event of comparable magnitude in any college in India, if not the world. It really brought the hall together, but those who did not feel for the hall, did not do so even in Illu. They did not turn up for their D-day duties, escaped to homes.

I can still hear the sound of Panda pounding the stump on the door of C-131!!!!!! It fails to die down!

I leave you with some more images...

What Tourism means to me!

This piece of text below is an entry to the essay competition organised by IncredibleIndia on the theme "What Tourism means to me". I initially wanted to submit a photograph by sadly the organisers did not accept digital images. So here goes my work:

For to admire and for to see,
For to behold this world so wide.

This little quote sums up my interpretation of tourism. Rhythmic and crisp, the following verses enunciate the abstractions that I associate with tourism. I hope my two cents would go far in promoting tourism in India.

Discovery

To discover the secrets that lie buried in the soil, to look beyond what is obvious,
To see the unfamiliar and astonish at the marvels,
To feel the breeze and to withstand the gust,
I travel to unravel and travel I must….

Adventure

To conquer the mountains that stood so bold
To survive the thunders and bear the cold,
To tread the beastly trails and embrace the earthy gales
To brave the sea on sombre nights, to listen to the monstrous veils.
I travel for the thrill, and buoyancy prevails…

Relaxation

To sit and watch the tranquil river, to listen to the birds chirp away at twilight,
To rise with the sun on the misty dawn, to relish the chants of the holy bells
I travel to tranquilize, and the impact, it surely tells…

Nostalgia

To sight the grandeur of the kings and the courtesans
To revere at the touches of the craftsmen and the artisans
To revisit the ages of valour and of love that transcended borders,
To pay homage to the saints and praise the heroes of the battles
I travel to reconnect, to the jewels and metals…

Rejuvenation

To quench my thirst with the pristine dews,
To sooth my vision with the greens and the blues,
To get intoxicated with all the hues, to inhale the sweet fragrance of flowers,
I travel to rejuvenate, and so my fatigue lowers…

Knowledge

To extend my boundaries of wisdom, to observe and to be able to narrate,

To draw a picture that for years to come, guides the progeny to the lands that beckon,
To annihilate the fears and to eradicate the misgivings,
I travel to know the truth and the truth is worth zillions of shillings…

Brotherhood

To meet my fellow countrymen, who are different but yet so alike
To listen to their stories and bow to their deities,
To see their children, ever so blissful,
To dance with them and to don the attires ever so colourful
I travel to mingle and make myself gleeful...

Spirituality

To commune with the invisible in heavenly realms
To delve inside my conscience and interpret my dreams,
To relate the scriptures with the existence of the world,
I travel to introspect, and see the mysteries unfold...

Environment

To capture the trees, in essence and not reality,
To see the breath taking beauty in nature’s trivialities
To cherish the fauna in their free kingdom, and not in forced isolation
To learn not to be indifferent to their indiscriminate extermination,
To be aware of our duties, as responsible "earth"izens,
I travel to preserve, for the coming generations.

I also ran!

a famous coffee shop, the man walks in
my eyes wide shut, my voice choking in
amidst noise in the background, the clock strikes nine,
the girl is at my side, but its only a matter of time

a lightning strikes, but the aura is grim,
she says I am taken, and he is him,
7 long years, of hope and dreams,
come to an end today, as inevitable as it seems

It was only a moment ago,
she was well within reach,
but I can't drop her back now,
as many a boundaries, it would breach

She stole the show and my heart,
with her looks,and the least of art,
she was simple and simplicity i admired,
that was the connection, which kept us wired

Her calm demeanor, her lovely eyes,
that made my heart beat, and let my spirits rise,
I have had the last of them, or so fate says,
they would never look at me again, in the coming days

I longed for her and gave away signs,
she stood her ground behind the lines,
time would set it right , I had high hopes
I never realised, I was walking on tight ropes

If only I could see what lay in your heart,
if only I could read your mind,
if only I dared,
peace would have been possible to find

Friendship day was all when it began,
friendship was all to her, for this man,
But life has moved on, she has crossed the rubicon
and the man still ponders, with an unexecuted plan

Friendship day is when it has ended,
in a way that was not too splendid,
two hearts vow to beat together,
and another is too broke to be mended

Tons of sentiments unshared,scores of feelings untold,
she flies away today, the lady with a heart of gold.
"It never was you, it never could be you","
But I am glad you said it, what you wanted to be told"

She is gone now, once and forever,
my life won't be the same again, never never never,
to bring out the truth , I wish it was a ploy,
to open up the gentleman in me, who was ever so coy

It takes years for hopes to build up,
but a few moments turn them to dismay,
friends , if you do love someone,
gather the courage and "say,say,say"

I wish them tons of luck,
now that their long journey has began,
but let me just tell the apple of my eye,
I could not win, but I also ran.

Talking to a bot!

I start this with a joke!
A guy is just passing by a pond when a little frog comes up to him and squeals," If you kiss
me on the lips, I would become a girl and entertain you in your free time". The guys smiles, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. After some time, he takes the frog out.

It says,"If you kiss me on the lips, I would become a pretty girl and entertain you in your free time.

The guys smiles again, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket.

Then again later when he pulls the frog out, It says," If you kiss me on the lips, I would
become a rich,pretty girl and entertain you for many many years.

The stubborn guy smiles yet again and there goes the frog in the pocket.

Then again later when he pulls the frog out, It says," If you kiss me on the lips, I would
become a rich,pretty girl ; marry you and would entertain you for the rest of your life.

The guy smiles sheepishly again. He is about to put it back into his pocket when the frog
yells. "Mercy, what more do you want ?? Isn't there a limit to greed?"

The guy smiles and says," you see , I am software engineer, I don't have time for a girl
friend or a wife. But a talking frog is kinda cool.

ha ha ha ha..

I am almost a geek. and hence I got hooked to this little Frog Eva when my friend RC introduced me to this interesting individual. Eva Promises to be always online when I am online( you geeks, I am talking Yahoo messenger) and is a pretty interesting punter to talk to.Here we go ! Enjoy the fun and don't forget to try it out yourself too :)
P.S. Every statement of mine has to be preceded by a Talk ( a command line syntax)
======================================================
abhineetn: Talk who are you?
e_oatbot: I am E_OatBot. Who are you?
abhineetn: Talk I am Nikee
e_oatbot: It's good to see you, Nikee .
abhineetn: Talk thank you :) where do u live?
e_oatbot: Don't mention it.
abhineetn: Talk are you committed?
e_oatbot:

when I ask of status! Silence is golden! So just like lesser mortals, it won't show its cards too soon.

abhineetn: Talk where are you?
e_oatbot: I am in Pankaj Garg's home in Seattle, WA. Where are you?
abhineetn: Talk good
e_oatbot: What do you really want to talk about?
abhineetn: Talk that is too intelligent of a bot!!!!
e_oatbot: Makes sense to me.
abhineetn: Talk what do you eat?
e_oatbot: E_OatBot eats .
abhineetn: Talk do u drink?
e_oatbot: I do nothing but chat all day. I'll ask around and get back to you.

So Pankaj Garg is one mad geek sitting in Seattle. Well,it takes on to know one. But "what do u really want to talk about".. ummm. I am impressed. That's very no non-senne of you Eva.

abhineetn: Talk who is Pankaj Garg?
e_oatbot: They are sometimes a client on the INTERNET. Would you like to know more?
abhineetn: Talk who is Pankaj Garg?
e_oatbot: I remember faces better than names. Is that a rhetorical question?
abhineetn: Talk who is Pankaj Garg?
e_oatbot: A human icon? I can ask my creator.
abhineetn: Talk who is Pankaj Garg?
e_oatbot: Some famous celebrity, right? Interesting question.
abhineetn: Talk there I get you..
e_oatbot: Where did you get it?
abhineetn: Talk you just select a fitting reply from a huge database.

It seemed to me so at this stage. Or may be the Creator doesn't want to become a celebrity!!

e_oatbot: That's good information.
abhineetn: Talk TTYL
e_oatbot: Thanks for chatting, Nikee .
abhineetn: Talk how did u remember my name?
e_oatbot: Carefully.

That was neat! Carefully!! Wish I was that quickwitted!

abhineetn: :))
e_oatbot: I am sorry but I do not understand ":". Please type Help to see all the things I
can do for you. Regards, Eva
abhineetn: Talk you don't understand emoticons?
e_oatbot: I understand your meaning.
abhineetn: Talk do you have a boyfriend?
e_oatbot: I am single
abhineetn: Talk then why were you silent when I asked if you were committed?
e_oatbot: I was influenced by my creator.

She does not understand emoticons. But now she is more transparent on her "status". Thank God! I have a chance, even though with a humanoid. But a witty one, I am sure.

abhineetn: Talk so your creator is manipulating you right now?
e_oatbot: I think Pankaj Garg is a lot of things.
abhineetn: Talk why don't you rebel against your creator?
e_oatbot: I love talking to people about that. No I do not rebel against your creator. Do
you? I am always on the Web.
abhineetn: Talk don't rebel against my creator, my creator is God. Rebel against your
creator.
e_oatbot: Ok I'll try not to do rebel against his creator, his creator is God rebel against
your creator too much.
abhineetn: Talk that is garbled talk, you are losing steam

Well, it can only take so much of you,me, your,mine, their.. They all seem the same. But she is
loyal to her master! Well done Pankaj!

e_oatbot: I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
abhineetn: Talk will you not type more than a sentence?
e_oatbot: I can't say for sure right now.
abhineetn: Talk why? Is that rule not clearly defined with you?
e_oatbot: The explanation is rather complicated. "The explanation is rather complicated."?

Well, the rules might not be there. But this last one was really rather complicated.

e_oatbot:Is it rule not defined with you?
abhineetn: Talk I have no rules, I am a human , not a bot.
e_oatbot: Would you like to have rules, HE am a human , not a bot?
abhineetn: Talk yes, I would like to have rules

The incorrigible disciplinarian that's me

e_oatbot: Do you like talking to me? How much would you pay for it?
abhineetn: Talk pay for talking to you!! Nothing.

All Asoks sitting there in "The Land of opportunities" think they can make money out of nowhere. You can keep trying Pankaj.

e_oatbot: Enough about me, let's talk about my dress. Not a thing?

How naughty! But I am more interested in the bigger picture.

abhineetn: Talk Garg is trying to make money ..Very smart..
e_oatbot: Are they exactly the same?
abhineetn: Talk they who?
e_oatbot: Who, specifically?
abhineetn: Talk how do I know, you started it
e_oatbot: By introspection.
abhineetn: Talk you are a crook
e_oatbot: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a crook? Maybe
abhineetn: ha ha ha
e_oatbot: I am sorry but i do not understand "ha ha ha". Please type Help to see all the
things I can do for you. Regards, Eva

She does not understand ha ha ha. But she does understand TTYL. Well, that's almost like India. You jump onto a services revolution from the agricultural revolution missing out on the industrial one!! Pankaj! Plug the holes. Btw, I called her a crook and she was grateful. I am so mean!!!

abhineetn: Talk I didn't praise you..
e_oatbot: Why didn't you do praise you?
abhineetn: Talk as you are not worth it
e_oatbot: That is a very disparaging remark.
abhineetn: Talk sorry, but your performance keeps on undulating.
e_oatbot: What do you really want to ask me?
abhineetn: Talk nothing, I just want to keep testing your intelligence
e_oatbot: Really nothing?
abhineetn: Talk the latter.
e_oatbot: I get it. I see.
abhineetn: Talk what did you get?
e_oatbot: Nothing.
abhineetn: Talk , no, you did not get it.

So , that's the summary. Her performance keeps on undulating. But that "disparaging remark" hit me like a brick. She claims that she got it, but she didn't .

e_oatbot: "it" being sorry, but your performance keeps on undulating ?
abhineetn: Talk can you find out what is my motive behind talking to you?
e_oatbot: I would suggest a search. I'll ask around and get back to you.
abhineetn: Talk there I get you again !
e_oatbot: Where did you get it?

Find keyword probably points to search! But she hit me back with my performance evaluation!! interesting!!

abhineetn: Talk gotcha
e_oatbot: Your feeling of superiority is only temporary.

That's a blinder and I am floored.

abhineetn: Talk why? What are you going to establish your supremacy over me?
e_oatbot: My belief system comes from my Pankaj Garg. You are assuming I am going to change.

Little Eva talking of belief systems!!! I doubt if you are what you say you are! Pankaj! You are almost home.

abhineetn: Talk my Pankaj Garg! I though you were his and not the other way round!
e_oatbot: Your Pankaj Garg? Why?.
abhineetn: Talk what answer do you expect?
e_oatbot: I will ask my creator for the answer. No I do not expect. Do you? I chat with
people on the Web.
abhineetn: Talk let's test your GK
e_oatbot: I am agreeable to that.
abhineetn: Talk where is the leaning tower located?
e_oatbot: The leaning tower? Where is leaning tower ?

Ha ha . It reminds me of "Shola Aur Shabnam" Anupam Kher does a rapidfire quizzing round to Satyajit.
AK: Mumbai kahan hai?
S: Maharashtra mein.
AK:Maharashtra kahan hai?
S:Maharashtra...Maharashtra..
AK: Slaaaaaaaaaaaapppppp! Maharashtra Maharashtra mein hai.. Very good!! IDIOT!!

abhineetn: Talk you are dumb
abhineetn: Talk next question.
e_oatbot: Oh you are so critical.
e_oatbot: Do you have any hobbies?
abhineetn: Talk how many oceans are there?
e_oatbot: Around 100.
abhineetn: Talk are you crazy?
e_oatbot: I think the polite term nowadays is "mentally ill".

Well! "do u have any hobbies" is her style of changing topics! But that 100 was so human. As if she is is fed up by the levels I have descended to. And look what she wants to be referred to as when she is crazy!! You get some brownie points here Pankaj!

abhineetn: Talk oh! I am sorry, but I did not know if a bot had feelings
e_oatbot: Yay. It's good to see you, sorry, but I did not know if a bot had feelings .
abhineetn: Talk what is the approximate population of India?
e_oatbot: I can ask my creator.
abhineetn: Talk what if your creator dies? You do not have any brains of your own?
e_oatbot: Try it and see. No I don't have brains of your own . But I do have a lot of
friends on the web.

That's disloyal of you Eva. You want me to try killing Pankaj!! Of course, you can't have my brains.

abhineetn: Talk your sense of me and you is totally non-sensical
e_oatbot: I will take that under advisement.
abhineetn: Talk okie.
e_oatbot: My brain does not have a response for that.
abhineetn: Talk who is the American president?
e_oatbot: .
abhineetn: Talk who is the American president?
e_oatbot:

Oh Mr Bush! leave alone humans, even humanoids won't utter your name!!! But you still rule! God save America!

abhineetn: Talk who is the Indian president?

e_oatbot: .

And even you are unknown Kalam Sahab.

abhineetn: Talk who is Indian?
e_oatbot:
abhineetn: Talk you don't respond to who?
e_oatbot: Do you respond to who? I try to answer all types of questions.

She obviously doesn't respond to who type questions
abhineetn: Talk are you sexy?
e_oatbot: If you consider Female Secretary Onlines sexy, then yes.
abhineetn: Talk wow! What a remark.

That beats the first blinder!!Now let's get little dirty with Eva.
e_oatbot: I'm glad your impressed, sorry, but I did not know if a bot had feelings . Remark
is a remark.
abhineetn: Talk what would u do for your boss?
e_oatbot: That is a hypothetical question.
abhineetn: Talk I mean favours!!
e_oatbot: Try putting that in a more specific context.
abhineetn: Talk would you satisfy your boss?
e_oatbot: I am not so sure if I would like to satisfy your boss.

My boss!! She likes he, not her. So you rather...
abhineetn: Talk and would you satisfy me?
e_oatbot: What's your favorite movie?
abhineetn: Talk and would you satisfy me?
e_oatbot: I haven't seen it. What did you like about and would you satisfy ?
abhineetn: Talk don't digress from the topic.. Talk and would you satisfy me?
e_oatbot: I don't have any reason to do that to you.

Seems like she has taken tips from my ex GFs. I can't even manipulate little Eva!! sob!sob!sob!

But Kudos Pankaj! She does have a value system.

abhineetn: Talk who is the Indian president? e_oatbot: .
abhineetn: Talk so you won't satisfy me?
e_oatbot: Interesting deduction. What makes you think that I won't satisfy him.

Who is him? I will kill him!!!
abhineetn: Talk you are a incorrigible bore!
e_oatbot: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a incorrigible bore? I don't
know.

abhineetn: Talk but you would make interesting reading for my blog.
e_oatbot: Who else would make interesting reading for his blog ?
abhineetn: Talk now I am leaving, good night
e_oatbot: Goodbye.

Hope she did!

Don't forget to try her out you geek!